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One of those days ...

I'm tired of being emotional. I honestly feel like I'm being led around completely by emotions. I want to get to a place in my life where I'm not "under the circumstances" any longer. I just don't know how to get there!

There are several stressful things going on in my life right now - I'm stressing because we're behind in our schoolwork. I'm stressing because Jim hasn't been paid, and well, we need it. I'm stressing because a responsibility I have at church. I'm stressing because of some changes that have gone on at home. I'm stressing because it's entirely possible that a strong wind will leave a big tree limb in my kitchen. I'm stressing because I'm tired of letting Brendan play in the backyard and kind of forgetting that the fence is gone. I'm stressing because there are a lot of things for which I have no control, and I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL!!

That's what it ALL boils down to -- control. I think we all have this illusion that we have control over our lives. Newsflash -- we don't. Of course there are areas over which we have control, but ultimately, we are not in control. It doesn't matter how much money is in the bank, how much food is in the fridge, or how much insurance you have on your house. These things all give us the illusion of control, but banks can fail, power can go out, and all that insurance may come with a $3000 deductible.

Wow, this is depressing.

There is good news though - there is a God, and He knows our names, and He loves us. He IS in control, and if He is leading us through something, somehow or other, whether we ever even see it, it WILL benefit us in some way. Maybe teaching us to trust Him, or maybe reminding us that we need to ease up on those reigns a little, or maybe to bring us some obvious blessing that we'll realize later. Or maybe we'll have to wait until we're face to face with Him. (At which time, honestly, we probably won't even care, as the awesomeness of being in the presence of God will likely wipe out everything else.)

After typing all of this, I realize there really wasn't a huge point to this post, except that I want to get from the first paragraph to the one just before this one in my heart rather than just in my head. I want to live above my circumstances ... all the time, no matter what the circumstances are. Father God, that is my prayer for today; that You would give me the wisdom to look beyond what's here and now to see that the various circumstances in my life are shaping me into the person You want me to be, and to focus on that rather than the circumstance.

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