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Another Not Me



Head on over to mckmama's blog to find out more about "Not Me Monday" and read what everyone else has NOT been doing this week!

I did not take my daughter's cup, filled with Sonic ice (which we all know is the best ice in the world!) and make her pour it into her sister's cup, so that my son could become a member of the cup club. That would be the PEEING in a cup club. This did not happen while spending way too long in the line at the bank, which was not caused by me waiting until the last minute to make a deposit. I did not realize that it was the last minute and deny my son the opportunity to go potty before we left, so that he was in a state of urinary emergency while we waited way too long in line. He did not take GREAT delight in peeing in a cup, and I am not now thinking that I should feel any random cup around the house for warmness before drinking ... just in case. I am so glad this didn't happen. Especially because if it really had happened, I'd be really embarrassed right about now. Plus warm sonic cups filled with pee are just plain gross. Or I think they are ... I really wouldn't know, because this did not happen to me! And if someone who was also in line at Wachovia tells you differently, I'm sure they're lying, because I would NEVER do that.

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I did not let my dog run out of food. And if I HAD let my dog run out of food, I would not have had to go to the grocery store in 33 degree weather. And if I HAD to go to the grocery store for dog food in 33 degree weather, I would not have dragged my kids out of bed. And if I HAD dragged my kids out of bed to go to the grocery store in 33 degree weather because we needed dog food, I would not have bribed them with doughnuts to motivate them.

(I'm starting to get a "If You Give a Mouse a Muffin" vibe going on here!)

If I HAD done all of that stuff, I certainly would not have sat in the car in my drive way and wondered if, in all of the rushing around, I had brushed my teeth. I would not have realized that I had not, and I certainly would not have gone on to the grocery store anyway. I'm a little OCD about toothbrushing, so I would never have done that.

btw ... if you happened to see someone at the grocery store who looked like me, with my children, and that person avoided you like the plague so that you wouldn't know she hadn't brushed her teeth that morning, well, it WASN'T ME! I send my children out with random people who look like me in 33 degree weather to buy doughnuts and dog food all the time.

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I did not tell friends ON TUESDAY that my child had not been sick in four years. I also did not tell these same friends that this same child had never had the flu. That would just be borrowing trouble!

This same child did not start running fever ON WEDNESDAY. This same child was NOT diagnosed with THE FLU on Friday. That would just be ironic, wouldn't it?

This same child is not STILL running fever and feeling awful on Monday. :(

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I am an accountant, and I'd guess that I have easily done 10,000 tax returns in my life. Doing math in my head and making spreadsheets ... well, I got some mad skillz.

With that said, I did not, last December do a quick estimate of my personal tax return. I did not come to the conclusion that we were going to owe $2,000 - $3,000, and quickly close the spreadsheet to just kind of choose to be in denial about it for a few more months. I did not just last week just kind of glance at it again and realize that my calculations were not only wrong, they were WAY wrong. I ALWAYS double check my math, that's like what they teach us THE FIRST DAY and EVERY DAY afterwards in accounting classes! I did not then realize that we were back in refund-land, do a happy dance, and scramble to get everything together to get that baby filed. I also did not get it all done only to realize that ... ONCE AGAIN ... I am locked out of my mortgage account online, so I can't get my interest and property tax numbers until either they find a way to unlock me (which hasn't worked so well the past couple of months) or I get the 1098 in the mail.

I am not currently stalking the mailman. ;)

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This has been a doozy of a week around here, with sick kids and Jim out of town and all! It was such a relief to hear him drive up yesterday. I did not at that point FLING children on him and sit in a quiet house. LOL Actually I really didn't; G refused to leave with him, bless her sick little heart. LOL I would have shipped them all off if I could have though! I'm glad I didn't immediately shove them all into his care though. That would have been a little mean, after his long weekend out of town. I'm glad I gave him plenty of time to rest and relax before tossing kids at him, because I'm sure he needed a break.

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And speaking of my darling children, they did not make up a song about me hula-hooping to Wii Fit. Oh my, I would have throttled them if they had done that! Well, if I could have. Hula-hooping WIPES. ME. OUT. And by the way ... this song they didn't make up ... they were not threatened unspeakable horrors if it were to EVER be mentioned in public or to anyone to whom I didn't give birth. SO ... if you should ASK THEM about it ... well ... their fate ... remember the unspeakable horrors? well, that would be in YOUR HANDS. I'm sure none of you would want that on your conscience.

Okay, that's it for me this week. What did YOU not do? C'mon, join in! It's fun! (and if you do, let me know in comments so I can run over and think "well, at least I didn't do THAT! LOL)

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