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Bittersweet

Do you ever really miss being a kid?

I do.

I had a mini breakdown in an airplane yesterday because I wanted to be a kid again so bad it hurt! I was watching how very excited my kids were and I remembered that excitement like it was yesterday! And oh my heavens, it took me back, and it broke my heart.

We are at Grammy's house for Thanksgiving. Cousins will be arriving today.

Growing up, we were the family that came in from out of town for Thanksgiving and Christmas, at least while I was a little girl. I remember packing and being so excited I couldn't stand it to see my grandparents and my cousins and just hanging out. Seeing my middle one just quivering with excitement yesterday ... oh my goodness, I remember.

All of my grandparents are gone now. How I miss them! Particularly this time of year, because when I was a kid, this is the time of year we would spend with them. Their houses that may have been overcrowded at holidays (which honestly I don't think I ever noticed!) and the food that they would make, and the noise level, and mainly the total delight they had in us.

Yesterday Brendan wanted to bring this toy inside. The toy had been in the sandbox (it was actually his toy from this summer, which "moved" here because of it's time in the sandbox.) Toy filled with sand. He brings it in and I said "no, it's all sandy! Don't bring it inside!!" and Grammy said "it really is fine. It's just sand, we can vacuum it. I don't care if he gets sand in the house!" Yep, I remember that too. I had grandparents that didn't care if we got sand in the house too! (And this goes for my parents too -- my parents would have been telling me not to bring sand into the house, but I'm fairly certain they would have no problem with Brendan doing it. haha)

I laid awake ... um ... for a very short while last night. LOL I think I went to bed at 7 Spokane time, but I got up at 4:30 Houston time ... so you do the math! Anyway - I was just remembering holidays as a kid and how very much I loved them. I'm sad to not be spending Thanksgiving with my parents. The traditions are different here, which is not a bad thing, just different. I miss having my husband here too. I'm just plain in a weird place right now. I'm thankful for all these memories, thankful for how excited my kids are to be here (even with very little snow - let's all pray that it will snow this week!) thankful for the fabulous relationships my kids have with their grandmothers and grandfather, thankful that at least the girls got to know their other grandfather. I'm sad to be missing my own grandparents, I'm sad to not be at my home for Thanksgiving, I'm sad that my husband is so far away.

Like I said, it's a weird place to be. Bittersweet.

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