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Things I Need to Teach My Kids

Not an exhaustive list, but here are a few things I need to focus on teaching my children:

Which side of notebook paper to write on (like - which page is the front and which is the back.) And, speaking of notebook paper, when you are writing on it, start and stop at the red line.

That if you continually put your trash NEXT to the trash can rather than IN the trash can, it will make me LOSE MY MIND. This same principle applies to the laundry basket. It takes less than a second to open the lid, as opposed to putting stuff on top of the lid.

That if I walk by your room and can't see the floor, it's probably not a good idea to ask me to take you to Starbucks. Or Target. Or Rue 21. And it's definitely not a good idea to ask if a friend can come over.

Toilet paper roll installation. It really is easier than you think.

That if you decide not to do your schoolwork, it will not just go away. It will reappear. If you take advantage of your dad and convince him that your work is done when it's not, I will find out. This will not end well for you.

That if I say no to something, I mean it. Plus, I am very smart. If you try to skirt the rules by going to a friend's house, I will find out. This will also not end well for you.

Temper tantrums? Not a good idea. Rolling your eyes at me? Bad idea. Rolling them at me in excess of seven times in a day? Again, not gonna end well for you. Proceed with caution.

Having a door to your bedroom is a privilege. This privilege will go away if that door is slammed.

If I step on a small toy, if that toy costs less than $5, it goes in the trash. If that toy costs more than $5, it will be given away.

Putting clean, folded clothes on top of your dresser or on top of your bed, or on top of a toybox, or on the floor next to any of these things does not constitute putting your clothes away. And the corollary principle - if I find clothes on top of the hamper still folded, because it was easier to have them rewashed than to put them away, I will be angry.

When you scrape your plate after dinner, you need to make sure it goes into the trash rather than on the floor next to the trash. If it lands on the floor, you will be cleaning it up, plus whatever else happens to be next to the trash rather than in it.

(hm ... sounds like maybe we need to have a lesson or two on prepositions! This is *IN* this is *OUT*!)

But most of all, even when I want to pinch your little heads off and it's been a bad day for everyone, I do love you. ;)

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