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The Little Book of Anxiety

Check out "The Little Book Of Anxiety"

I finished this book by Kerri Sackville tonight.  I read the entire book on my new phone .. yes phone!  It is the new Samsung Galaxy something another .. Its white and sleek and I am totally in love with it.  But I am not writing about phones right now, that can be another post.  Now I am going to write about the great little book of anxiety.

I was a bit anxious reading this, (yes bad pun intended) as I have read so many books in the feeble search for answers as to why I have this permanent feeling of dread and anxiety.  It never leaves me, just waxes and wanes in its intensity.  I have done therapy, yoga, meditation (don't ever try meditation if you have an excessive anxious brain .. its torture), bought and read countless books, ran (and in the process wrecked my knee), walked and walked and walked.  But nothing has ever worked and I did not have any expectations that this would work either.

I tried the sample chapter and this talented and frank and open writer had me laughing and joining in with her anxiety that I almost forgot my own.  It was so GOOD (and if you ever read this Kerri, I don't mean to ever rejoice in your pain, for I know all too well how painful profound anxiety is) to read about someone who felt the way I did and did not lecture about thinking positive and telling me to stop being silly or that there is no need to worry, or Mr K's favorite "a coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero just one"  I know he is trying to help me, as are others, but what their well meaning help doesn't understand, is that with this level of anxiety, you have NO control over it.  No amount of positive thinking, or trying not to worry has the slightest impact.

Its like you have been injected with a needle full of warm dread.  I can literally feel it seeping through my body, I presume its adrenalin, but I have never found a doctor or psychologist to say that.  They give me Xanax and tell me not to worry.  Once its in my body, I get a stomach ache, back ache, feel breathless and lightheaded.  If its very bad I get my 'out of body' sensation where I feel like I am watching myself from above.  Normal, everyday anxiety has me sweating, my neck and shoulders so tense they are rock hard, queasiness, that paradoxically makes me want to eat.  Sometimes, if its triggered by an event at work or in the car when Mr K is driving, it feels like I have been hit all over with a lump of 4by2.  It can take hours, or days to subside.

Here is the anomaly that defies logic.  When I am faced with stress's and anxieties of 'normal' people I cope just fine, don't get anxious at all and breeze through it.  Moving house is a joy to me.  I love it.  When I had a hysterectomy, I never once was anxious about the operation, the pain, the hospital stay.  The thing I was stressed about was coming home to a dirty house and not being able to relax!  Go figure.  Giving a dinner party or catering for a crowd is fine, I love it.  Standing up to give a talk doesn't worry me.

I wonder if I could do what Manny from Black Books did and swallow the Little Book of Calm as an antidote!

Watch Manny and The Little Book of Calm

Here is Kerri's blog.  It's a great read, as are her two books.


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